The fact that a somebody’s blank would justify her somebody’s making unwanted actions towards myself really makes me question a lot of the people around here.
A person cannot say hi with a smile, without it having sexual motives? How am I the problem here? The fact that I had to say no, repeatedly, and stand away, and all that shit..
Being nice isn’t a pass to hook up. It is being a decent and respectful human being.
A woman doesn’t owe anybody any attention. We are not asking for anything. We are people. We are not objects of desire. We are FUCKING PEOPLE. Me sincerely caring about your health and life doesn’t equate for me to willingly do anything. And me saying several times not to continue means to NOT DO SOMETHING. Instead of trying to fix the bigger picture of taking care of your mental health, and maybe the belief that women are PEOPLE, TOO, you would rather point fingers and blame others in order to justify your horrendous and ludicrous behavior.
It makes me sick to my stomach to see how some people are quick to make assumptions. I can’t. You’d think that a person would respect you enough to talk it out, instead of being passive-aggressive.
I am slowly losing my mind, and I just don’t have time to heal. I am up and about all day, and night, and weekends I can’t afford to take a break. Today is Zach’s birthday, and I had my first dream about him where it was known that he has passed. Everybody is being proactive, and are doing things in his memory, and I just can’t do it.
I am recovering from my recent attempt of suicide, and it’s an emotional roller-coaster. I am ashamed and embarrassed, but the scary thing is that I feel this way because of others. Everything was a blur, but I do recall bawling and saying that it simply isn’t fair that others are entitled to say whether a person should continue to live or not.
In other news, I feel like I never sleep, don’t get paid enough, even though I work my butt off, and am amazed at my children at school for being so heartless, spoiled, and… RUDE.
I think it’s pretty sweet to just virtually vent these things out, considering that a lot of acquaintances on Facebook are naive, SDBs.
Whoever said that your twenties rocked, was probably high, and I envy you.
It would be easier to just cease to exist. All of these trials and tribulations, and for what? One day of happiness? I feel mostly dead all the time, and honestly not to belittle the good- I am so grateful for my loved ones who continue to show support, but I am losing it. The only reason why I am still kicking is for you. I just hate feeling this way, and feeling obligated to wake up and do stuff for everyone else. I’m never going to go places. I’m never going to fulfill my dreams. I can never finish anything, because I make excuses, and oh, because I am not great enough. I am just a number. I’m the girl who is just okay at everything. I’m the one who is always scrapes by, and you know what? I deserve it. I am broken, and cannot fully be fixed, and it’s preposterous to even think that it’ll be better. I believe in others, but not myself. I am so sorry that I let everyone down. I’m so sorry for any stress and stupid fights. I really love you guys and hope you all have wonderful lives and beautiful adventures. I feel horrible writing depressing things here, but I needed this.